I really could not have said it better.

True dat.

Good to know.

Because I thought you might be

smuggling cupcakes in there.

For your red, white, blue and green thumb.

{I know. You are thinking that this is a joke.

It isn't. It's a real product. Really. With free

super saver shipping, no less.}

Watch what you say.

Because your mom might just grab you by the ear

and wash your mouth out with soap.

In. The. Shape. Of. Teeth.

what lies beneath...

Pelvic Pride!

What on earth would be the point of this?
And I can only imagine what that glove is for.

Step back...

Put away the yarn.

Get rid of the early 90's baby clothes.

Give yourself a time out.

Do not come out until you apologize,and

promise to never make these creepy dolls again.

'til death do they part...

apparently came a little sooner than anticipated.

No, thanks.

I may be in desperate need of new throw pillows,

but I'll pass on this

pink,

plush

uterus on steroids,

complete with killer fallopian tubes.

It looks fertile.
I'd be afraid it might attack me.

quilting is awesome...

so are handmade clothes.

but there is just no excuse for this.

More than nature intended.

Even the sunflowers are turning their heads away.

(courtesy of awkward family photos)

have you been working out?

because I can see your skeleton.

the eighties called...

and they want their lacy padded photo albums back.

(you know you made them once.

admit it.

I can.

but then I stopped.

in 1989.

and apologized to all whom

I gifted.)

you won't find this on my registry.

thomas kincade.

painter of light.

or photo album of not right.

betty says:

"it's not easy to be good."

pretty sure I agree with her.

this one should have died before it began.

no words.

none.

not a single one.

public service announcement:

put down the glue gun.

put away the lace.

seriously.

right now!

Keep your hands to yourself.

Now easier

done

than

said.

Capped.

Winter,

Spring,

Summer,

or Fall...

meow

I'd rather claw my eyes out.

painting gone wrong

{submitted by Heather at Cookie Mondays}

From Heather:
Occasionally, I pick up jobs doing custom canvas art for use in the interior staging of model homes. So when I recently received a call from a designer desperate for a painting re-do, I was up for the challenge! They had previously hired someone to do some fun cartoon Nintendo Mii characters for the walls of a game room. The result: fail. Something my seven-year-old could have easily pulled off.

There is no way this guy was model home ready. The lines were shaky (shirt stripes didn't even line up), the colors were way off, and just look at that poor face! A Mii Makeover was seriously in order.

before & after:

***
Have you or someone you know been involved in the salvage of a handmade failure?

Submit your wrongs here!

***

By the way...
Have you grabbed our shiny new button from the sidebar yet?!

Sorry George Lucas.

The nerd in me loves Star Wars.

The Irish in me loves Guinness.

The human in me,

loves Guinness Star Wars crochet...

not so much.

While we are on that subject...

Hopefully the baby will buy it's mom

these bedazzled shrinky dink gems.

Check out this description straight from the listing:

"A great gift for that hard-to-buy-for MILF"

Which is so awesome, since I have about two dozen

or so hard to buy for MILF's in my life...

hopefully they come in bulk packs.

Think about it.

This shirt is for a baby.

So if the baby is with it's mom...

then that mom is the M in MILF.

Creepy.

Plus, I am pretty sure that babies aren't

thinking that they would like to....

Or wait, when I am looking at a cute baby I don't really need

my mind to wander off to how said baby came to be.

His & Hers

Two wrongs

don't make a right.

Something stinks.

Such an inviting throw pillow.
Who volunteers to share a loveseat with the Fart Queen?
She's got a nice, warm spot with your name on it.

Bambi's mom

didn't make it.

this should not have either.

self-admitted embroidery fail

{post courtesy Jonah Lisa at The Toby Show}

I've decided to share one of my holiday crafting failures with you. I wanted to make a nice set of embroidered handkerchiefs for my mom and sister. Green, handmade, useful, personal--this gift idea had it all.

Did I know how to embroider? No. Did I let that stop me? No. I have at least 3 books on the subject after all. In my mind, I imaged something like this:

Well, embroidery turns out to be a little harder than sewing a felt apple or stitching up a bag full of beans.

Here are my sad little hankies...

Not horrible maybe, but let's be honest, they look like something sweet your 8 year old made at Brownies. I think my sunflower is particularly special. The turtle holds no special significance, it's just a shape I thought I could muster. Huck said it was a Brachiosaurus.

Not quite the really nice set I was aiming for so I supplemented with a different main gift for each of them and gave the hankies as an extra side gift.

Oh well, they're for wiping snot anyway.

it's a cinch.

drinking all of that beer to make that cozy chair

sure made me a bit bloated.

don't even get me started on my new beer belly.

and what should I do with all of the tabs?

I know!!!

fight bloat,

reign in the beer belly

and recycle all at once!

I'm in the market

For some new furniture.

Who needs Pottery Barn,

when I can just drop by the liquor store?

craving chocolate?

bet you aren't anymore.

your skinny jeans are now attainable.

just think of these words:

"solid chocolate...

in the shape of a human sized poop."

craving cured.

throwing up in mouth- optional.

I'd hate for them to be cold.

So good thing I have these cozies.

Yes, tampon cozies.

Yes, one is shaped like a uterus complete

with fallopian tubes and ovaries.

Because what tampon cozy isn't?

This only could be more romantic

If it was one dozen flowers,

made from Budweiser cans,

with Kid Rock blasting through

the speaker system.

Someone tell my husband.

Quick.

Our anniversary is coming up.

pork pin

Might as well make it a bacon burger
with this sizzling hot brooch.

{photo submitted by Deanna}