displays gone wrong

{post courtesy Louise at The Thirty-Something Bride;
submitted by Tegan}

I've noticed an alarming and freakishly scary thing about those Esty sellers: the model heads they use to display their wares.

The best of the offenders.
This one is not so bad really. Decent hairstyle, but the soft wrap and no shoulders is distracting.

The dead, dead soul wearing a lovely orchid.

This reminds me of Japanese anime. Big, giant eyes and snap-on hair.

Really? No, really? Is there anyone out there who would actually purchase this product based on this display? This actually scares me a little bit.

So just to be clear, not busting on the product. Just thinking a living model, of any kind, would be better than the very scary heads used in some of the photos. I'm just sayin'.
***
Thanks, Louise!

We wanted in on the creepy display model fun, too.

Wow, you really couldn't just wait for an
actual human to pose with?!

When I renew my vows

I will not be wearing this

toilet paper dress.

Bridal shower game

taken way to far if you ask me.

would you like fries with that?

I'm thinking no.

I'd give my left arm...

For a beautiful new necklace.

But how about something hand-stamped.

'Blessed'?

No.

'Family'?

It's just not me.

'Rehab Bound'?

Getting Closer...

'I think I just sharted?'

Perfect!

What better message to proudly dangle close to my heart?!

{...excuse me.}

protective gear

Condom Couture?

No glove, no love.

{photo submitted by SiSi}

more sparkle

I was feeling restricted in the full ensemble,
so I slipped into these
airy leg warmers & matching fingerless gloves
instead.

Much better!

from the kitchen of...

Someone I hope never invites me to dinner.

(Can't show you what's hiding beneath the apron flap.)

just wondering.

Who thought it would be a good idea to buy this fabric:

for this purpose:

???

We love big flowers.

But where do you draw the line?

Nothing spells class...

like M.I.L.F. on your wine glass.

Pass the Franzia!

speaking of grizzly bears...

Can't really think of any other explanation for this disaster.

for your precious ballerina...

No leotard would be complete without a ferocious grizzly bear applique.

mermaids gone wrong

during a quick search for nautical fabric

I came across this little gem.

that pretty much should have been left at the bottom of the sea.

No intervention needed.

Somebody's glass is definitely half-empty.

tighty whities

So, you have nothing to wear.

Your husband's underwear have skidmark stains on them.

Why not solve two problems at once?

Cut a hole, thus removing the stain, slip it over your head.

Then go out in public.

Nobody will ever know...

Aunt Flo

Sure is sparkly.

What every man doesn't want

Somewhere out there Heather Bailey is crying.

and so is this poor, sweet husband.

to go with the dog...

a charming,

googly eyed

piece

of

poop.

a dog

dropping a deuce.

Nothing screams summer

like a wool,

knitted,

felted,

garden lantern.

not technically handmade

but

certainly

not okay.

brrr....

just the balls of my

ugly man-feet are cold.

good thing I knit these

flip flop socks to keep them cozy.

happy birthday...

I made this cupcake just for you.

a bit much.

I really don't even know what to say,

except I am so very sorry

sweet little girl

that your parents did this to you.

Pee is never pretty.

No.

No.

No.

Can't sleep?

So why should your spouse?

Fight insomnia and scare the crap out of your husband with the blink of an eye.

(You'll sleep like a baby, but he won't!)

Perfect for airplanes.

(A guarantee for the whole row to yourself.)

Or children.

(Sweet nightmares dreams!)

keeping tabs

Better to be safe than sorry.

Freedom

taken
way.
too.
far.

cheerful chafing

Rainbow Brite meets Mrs. Claus.

In weird, underwear form.