Handmade Gone Wrong

your baby would rather be gassy

2010-05-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

than be burped with these.

Really???

2010-05-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

...but what about the daytime?

2010-02-13T10:04:00.000-08:00

We've gotcha covered during those lonely nights.
What's gonna get you through the day, you ask?

That's right!
A creepy, strap-on hug.

No Valentine?

2010-02-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

No problem!

heartbreaker

2010-01-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

...More like heart-breaking that a mother would do this
to her poor, sweet little boy!

Why do these freak me out?

2009-11-10T13:55:00.001-08:00

I can't seem to put my finger on it.

PUSH!

2009-10-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

Now please excuse us while we go recreate this darling costume for tonight,
then flip a coin to see who gets to be the baby.

Happy Halloween!

never underestimate...

2009-10-29T16:07:00.000-07:00

the Halloween spirit of a snail.

Darling,

2009-10-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

I can see right through you.

manhood

2009-10-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Invite you friends over for dinner.

Show them to the guest bath.

Insult them.

Enjoy the weirdness at the table.

But at least your bathroom floor will be clean.

s'not okay.

2009-10-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think the word 'booger' belongs on any wall, let alone the booger placement itself. Ewww.

going green

2009-10-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

News Flash:
Your husband's stinky old beer cans as garden decor
does not equal recycling.

shady.

2009-10-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Ugliest of the three?
It's a tie.

Otter Orchestra

2009-10-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Complete with Conductor.

Now that's some serious wood{wind} carving.

I'm hardcore.

2009-09-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

and I make stuff.

It's not polite to point.

2009-09-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks.
It's a zombie finger on a chain.

Craft Fairs...

2009-09-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

Something ridiculous for every member of the family!

I get it, Halloween is coming.

2009-09-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

But what's wrong with sticking to jack-o-lanterns and wicked witches?

Is it hot in here?

2009-09-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

Or is it just this super creepy wool poncho-for-two?

{submitted by the gals at Pear Tree Events}

enticing...

2009-09-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

Shotgun!

Who could climb the corporate ladder

2009-09-13T11:33:00.000-07:00

with spinach in their teeth?

Want to look hot and swim fast?

2009-09-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

These will accomplish neither intended purpose.

Sorry honey.

You look ridiculous.

Plus, I bet you can't even walk.

Don't give up, don't give up

2009-09-11T11:26:00.000-07:00

together with me and my baby

break the chains of love.

Wash your hands after you pick your nose!

2009-09-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

...with booger soap.

What kind of sick mixed message is the mom who has
this in her kids' bathroom sending?!

twisted!

2009-09-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

The creepiest part of this type of listing
is always the written description.

"...The Golden Vamp Mare is quite fond of her very fashionable bunny slippers and loves to feast on other dolls. Dare to tame them. Best to keep them in your home to avoid a rumble with outsiders. "

?
Hmm...

Nothing sets the mood...

2009-09-06T19:24:00.000-07:00

Like a urine sample candle.

Perfect for your honeymoon.

Or any occasion you just feel the urge to
spice things up with the sweet aroma of
PEE.

roadkill

2009-09-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

My kids actually prefer their stuffed animals to be portrayed alive.

"Don't worry, Sweetie, he's just sleeping."

Grandma would be so proud.

2009-09-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

But nobody else will be.

Dingle balls...

2009-09-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

are NOT meant to be faux pollops!
EVER!
There is nothing cleansing about a 5 foot plush colon.

{submitted by Tobelina at My Crafty Corner}

Lost a button?

2009-09-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

This would be a great replacement in a pinch.
I mean, death grey goes with practically everything.

I really could not have said it better.

2009-08-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

True dat.

Good to know.

2009-08-29T15:11:00.000-07:00

Because I thought you might be

smuggling cupcakes in there.

For your red, white, blue and green thumb.

2009-08-27T09:17:00.000-07:00

{I know. You are thinking that this is a joke.

It isn't. It's a real product. Really. With free

super saver shipping, no less.}

Watch what you say.

2009-08-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Because your mom might just grab you by the ear

and wash your mouth out with soap.

In. The. Shape. Of. Teeth.

what lies beneath...

2009-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

Pelvic Pride!

What on earth would be the point of this?
And I can only imagine what that glove is for.

Step back...

2009-08-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

Put away the yarn.

Get rid of the early 90's baby clothes.

Give yourself a time out.

Do not come out until you apologize,and

promise to never make these creepy dolls again.

'til death do they part...

2009-08-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

apparently came a little sooner than anticipated.

No, thanks.

2009-08-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

I may be in desperate need of new throw pillows,

but I'll pass on this

pink,

plush

uterus on steroids,

complete with killer fallopian tubes.

It looks fertile.
I'd be afraid it might attack me.

quilting is awesome...

2009-08-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

so are handmade clothes.

but there is just no excuse for this.

More than nature intended.

2009-08-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

Even the sunflowers are turning their heads away.

(courtesy of awkward family photos)

have you been working out?

2009-08-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

because I can see your skeleton.

the eighties called...

2009-08-18T15:28:00.000-07:00

and they want their lacy padded photo albums back.

(you know you made them once.

admit it.

I can.

but then I stopped.

in 1989.

and apologized to all whom

I gifted.)

you won't find this on my registry.

thomas kincade.

painter of light.

or photo album of not right.

betty says:

"it's not easy to be good."

pretty sure I agree with her.

this one should have died before it began.

no words.

none.

not a single one.

public service announcement:

put down the glue gun.

put away the lace.

seriously.

right now!

Keep your hands to yourself.

2009-08-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Now easier

done

than

said.

Capped.

2009-08-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Winter,

Spring,

Summer,

or Fall...

meow

2009-08-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

I'd rather claw my eyes out.

painting gone wrong

2009-08-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

{submitted by Heather at Cookie Mondays}

From Heather:
Occasionally, I pick up jobs doing custom canvas art for use in the interior staging of model homes. So when I recently received a call from a designer desperate for a painting re-do, I was up for the challenge! They had previously hired someone to do some fun cartoon Nintendo Mii characters for the walls of a game room. The result: fail. Something my seven-year-old could have easily pulled off.

There is no way this guy was model home ready. The lines were shaky (shirt stripes didn't even line up), the colors were way off, and just look at that poor face! A Mii Makeover was seriously in order.

before & after:

***
Have you or someone you know been involved in the salvage of a handmade failure?

Submit your wrongs here!

***

By the way...
Have you grabbed our shiny new button from the sidebar yet?!

Sorry George Lucas.

2009-08-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

The nerd in me loves Star Wars.

The Irish in me loves Guinness.

The human in me,

loves Guinness Star Wars crochet...

not so much.

While we are on that subject...

2009-08-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Hopefully the baby will buy it's mom

these bedazzled shrinky dink gems.

Check out this description straight from the listing:

"A great gift for that hard-to-buy-for MILF"

Which is so awesome, since I have about two dozen

or so hard to buy for MILF's in my life...

hopefully they come in bulk packs.

Think about it.

2009-08-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

This shirt is for a baby.

So if the baby is with it's mom...

then that mom is the M in MILF.

Creepy.

Plus, I am pretty sure that babies aren't

thinking that they would like to....

Or wait, when I am looking at a cute baby I don't really need

my mind to wander off to how said baby came to be.

His & Hers

2009-08-10T08:40:00.000-07:00

Two wrongs

don't make a right.

Something stinks.

2009-08-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

Such an inviting throw pillow.
Who volunteers to share a loveseat with the Fart Queen?
She's got a nice, warm spot with your name on it.

Bambi's mom

2009-08-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

didn't make it.

this should not have either.

self-admitted embroidery fail

2009-08-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

{post courtesy Jonah Lisa at The Toby Show}

I've decided to share one of my holiday crafting failures with you. I wanted to make a nice set of embroidered handkerchiefs for my mom and sister. Green, handmade, useful, personal--this gift idea had it all.

Did I know how to embroider? No. Did I let that stop me? No. I have at least 3 books on the subject after all. In my mind, I imaged something like this:

Well, embroidery turns out to be a little harder than sewing a felt apple or stitching up a bag full of beans.

Here are my sad little hankies...

Not horrible maybe, but let's be honest, they look like something sweet your 8 year old made at Brownies. I think my sunflower is particularly special. The turtle holds no special significance, it's just a shape I thought I could muster. Huck said it was a Brachiosaurus.

Not quite the really nice set I was aiming for so I supplemented with a different main gift for each of them and gave the hankies as an extra side gift.

Oh well, they're for wiping snot anyway.

it's a cinch.

2009-08-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

drinking all of that beer to make that cozy chair

sure made me a bit bloated.

don't even get me started on my new beer belly.

and what should I do with all of the tabs?

I know!!!

fight bloat,

reign in the beer belly

and recycle all at once!

I'm in the market

2009-08-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

For some new furniture.

Who needs Pottery Barn,

when I can just drop by the liquor store?

craving chocolate?

2009-08-04T08:53:00.000-07:00

bet you aren't anymore.

your skinny jeans are now attainable.

just think of these words:

"solid chocolate...

in the shape of a human sized poop."

craving cured.

throwing up in mouth- optional.

I'd hate for them to be cold.

2009-08-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

So good thing I have these cozies.

Yes, tampon cozies.

Yes, one is shaped like a uterus complete

with fallopian tubes and ovaries.

Because what tampon cozy isn't?

This only could be more romantic

2009-08-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

If it was one dozen flowers,

made from Budweiser cans,

with Kid Rock blasting through

the speaker system.

Someone tell my husband.

Quick.

Our anniversary is coming up.

pork pin

2009-08-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Might as well make it a bacon burger
with this sizzling hot brooch.

{photo submitted by Deanna}

displays gone wrong

2009-07-31T08:59:00.000-07:00

{post courtesy Louise at The Thirty-Something Bride;
submitted by Tegan}

I've noticed an alarming and freakishly scary thing about those Esty sellers: the model heads they use to display their wares.

The best of the offenders.
This one is not so bad really. Decent hairstyle, but the soft wrap and no shoulders is distracting.

The dead, dead soul wearing a lovely orchid.

This reminds me of Japanese anime. Big, giant eyes and snap-on hair.

Really? No, really? Is there anyone out there who would actually purchase this product based on this display? This actually scares me a little bit.

So just to be clear, not busting on the product. Just thinking a living model, of any kind, would be better than the very scary heads used in some of the photos. I'm just sayin'.
***
Thanks, Louise!

We wanted in on the creepy display model fun, too.

Wow, you really couldn't just wait for an
actual human to pose with?!

When I renew my vows

2009-07-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

I will not be wearing this

toilet paper dress.

Bridal shower game

taken way to far if you ask me.

would you like fries with that?

2009-07-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking no.

I'd give my left arm...

2009-07-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

For a beautiful new necklace.

But how about something hand-stamped.

'Blessed'?

No.

'Family'?

It's just not me.

'Rehab Bound'?

Getting Closer...

'I think I just sharted?'

Perfect!

What better message to proudly dangle close to my heart?!

{...excuse me.}

protective gear

2009-07-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

Condom Couture?

No glove, no love.

{photo submitted by SiSi}

more sparkle

2009-07-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

I was feeling restricted in the full ensemble,
so I slipped into these
airy leg warmers & matching fingerless gloves
instead.

Much better!

from the kitchen of...

2009-07-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Someone I hope never invites me to dinner.

(Can't show you what's hiding beneath the apron flap.)

just wondering.

2009-07-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

Who thought it would be a good idea to buy this fabric:

for this purpose:

???

We love big flowers.

2009-07-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

But where do you draw the line?

Nothing spells class...

2009-07-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

like M.I.L.F. on your wine glass.

Pass the Franzia!

speaking of grizzly bears...

2009-07-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

Can't really think of any other explanation for this disaster.

for your precious ballerina...

2009-07-20T15:05:00.000-07:00

No leotard would be complete without a ferocious grizzly bear applique.

mermaids gone wrong

2009-07-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

during a quick search for nautical fabric

I came across this little gem.

that pretty much should have been left at the bottom of the sea.

No intervention needed.

2009-07-18T22:30:00.000-07:00

Somebody's glass is definitely half-empty.

tighty whities

2009-07-17T16:26:00.001-07:00

So, you have nothing to wear.

Your husband's underwear have skidmark stains on them.

Why not solve two problems at once?

Cut a hole, thus removing the stain, slip it over your head.

Then go out in public.

Nobody will ever know...

Aunt Flo

2009-07-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

Sure is sparkly.

What every man doesn't want

2009-07-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

Somewhere out there Heather Bailey is crying.

and so is this poor, sweet husband.

to go with the dog...

2009-07-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

a charming,

googly eyed

piece

poop.

a dog

2009-07-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

dropping a deuce.

Nothing screams summer

2009-07-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

like a wool,

knitted,

felted,

garden lantern.

not technically handmade

2009-07-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

but

certainly

not okay.

brrr....

2009-07-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

just the balls of my

ugly man-feet are cold.

good thing I knit these

flip flop socks to keep them cozy.

happy birthday...

2009-07-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

I made this cupcake just for you.

a bit much.

2009-07-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

I really don't even know what to say,

except I am so very sorry

sweet little girl

that your parents did this to you.

Pee is never pretty.

2009-07-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

No.

Can't sleep?

2009-07-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

So why should your spouse?

Fight insomnia and scare the crap out of your husband with the blink of an eye.

(You'll sleep like a baby, but he won't!)

Perfect for airplanes.

(A guarantee for the whole row to yourself.)

Or children.

(Sweet ~~nightmares~~ dreams!)

keeping tabs

2009-07-05T13:46:00.000-07:00

Better to be safe than sorry.

Freedom

2009-07-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

taken
way.
too.
far.

cheerful chafing

2009-07-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

Rainbow Brite meets Mrs. Claus.

In weird, underwear form.

cold one

2009-07-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

classy!

donald trump in training.

2009-07-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

my daughter was bald.

{this is not my daughter, in

case you were wondering.}

people called her a boy.

no matter how much pink she wore.

thems the breaks...

did I ever think...

her life would be so much better

if only she had a wig?

no.

never.

ever.

but somebody thought their daughter could use one.

and no one in their life stopped them.

baby wigs.

making cute little ones

super creepy.

one follicle at a time.