Saturday, August 29, 2009

Good to know.

Because I thought you might be
smuggling cupcakes in there.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

For your red, white, blue and green thumb.

{I know. You are thinking that this is a joke.
It isn't. It's a real product. Really. With free
super saver shipping, no less.}

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Watch what you say.

Because your mom might just grab you by the ear
and wash your mouth out with soap.

In. The. Shape. Of. Teeth.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

what lies beneath...

Pelvic Pride!

What on earth would be the point of this?
And I can only imagine what that glove is for.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Step back...

Put away the yarn.

Get rid of the early 90's baby clothes.


Give yourself a time out.


Do not come out until you apologize,and
promise to never make these creepy dolls again.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

'til death do they part...

apparently came a little sooner than anticipated.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

No, thanks.

I may be in desperate need of new throw pillows,
but I'll pass on this
pink,
plush
uterus on steroids,
complete with killer fallopian tubes.

It looks fertile.
I'd be afraid it might attack me.

Friday, August 21, 2009

quilting is awesome...

so are handmade clothes.

but there is just no excuse for this.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

More than nature intended.

Even the sunflowers are turning their heads away.
(courtesy of awkward family photos)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

the eighties called...


and they want their lacy padded photo albums back.

(you know you made them once.
admit it.
I can.
but then I stopped.
in 1989.
and apologized to all whom
I gifted.)


you won't find this on my registry.


thomas kincade.
painter of light.
or photo album of not right.


betty says:
"it's not easy to be good."
pretty sure I agree with her.


this one should have died before it began.


no words.
none.
not a single one.

public service announcement:
put down the glue gun.
put away the lace.
seriously.
right now!

Keep your hands to yourself.

Now easier
done
than
said.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Capped.

Winter,

Spring,

Summer,


or Fall...

Saturday, August 15, 2009

meow

I'd rather claw my eyes out.

Friday, August 14, 2009

painting gone wrong

{submitted by Heather at Cookie Mondays}

From Heather:
Occasionally, I pick up jobs doing custom canvas art for use in the interior staging of model homes. So when I recently received a call from a designer desperate for a painting re-do, I was up for the challenge! They had previously hired someone to do some fun cartoon Nintendo Mii characters for the walls of a game room. The result: fail. Something my seven-year-old could have easily pulled off.

There is no way this guy was model home ready. The lines were shaky (shirt stripes didn't even line up), the colors were way off, and just look at that poor face! A Mii Makeover was seriously in order.

before & after:


***
Have you or someone you know been involved in the salvage of a handmade failure?

Submit your wrongs here!

***

By the way...
Have you grabbed our shiny new button from the sidebar yet?!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sorry George Lucas.

The nerd in me loves Star Wars.
The Irish in me loves Guinness.
The human in me,
loves Guinness Star Wars crochet...
not so much.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

While we are on that subject...

Hopefully the baby will buy it's mom
these bedazzled shrinky dink gems.

Check out this description straight from the listing:
"A great gift for that hard-to-buy-for MILF"

Which is so awesome, since I have about two dozen
or so hard to buy for MILF's in my life...
hopefully they come in bulk packs.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Think about it.

This shirt is for a baby.

So if the baby is with it's mom...
then that mom is the M in MILF.
Creepy.
Plus, I am pretty sure that babies aren't
thinking that they would like to....

Or wait, when I am looking at a cute baby I don't really need
my mind to wander off to how said baby came to be.

Monday, August 10, 2009

His & Hers

Two wrongs
don't make a right.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Something stinks.

Such an inviting throw pillow.
Who volunteers to share a loveseat with the Fart Queen?
She's got a nice, warm spot with your name on it.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Bambi's mom

didn't make it.
this should not have either.

Friday, August 7, 2009

self-admitted embroidery fail

{post courtesy Jonah Lisa at The Toby Show}

I've decided to share one of my holiday crafting failures with you. I wanted to make a nice set of embroidered handkerchiefs for my mom and sister. Green, handmade, useful, personal--this gift idea had it all.

Did I know how to embroider? No. Did I let that stop me? No. I have at least 3 books on the subject after all. In my mind, I imaged something like this:


Well, embroidery turns out to be a little harder than sewing a felt apple or stitching up a bag full of beans.

Here are my sad little hankies...

Not horrible maybe, but let's be honest, they look like something sweet your 8 year old made at Brownies. I think my sunflower is particularly special. The turtle holds no special significance, it's just a shape I thought I could muster. Huck said it was a Brachiosaurus.

Not quite the really nice set I was aiming for so I supplemented with a different main gift for each of them and gave the hankies as an extra side gift.

Oh well, they're for wiping snot anyway
.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

it's a cinch.

drinking all of that beer to make that cozy chair
sure made me a bit bloated.
don't even get me started on my new beer belly.


and what should I do with all of the tabs?
I know!!!
fight bloat,
reign in the beer belly
and recycle all at once!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I'm in the market

For some new furniture.

Who needs Pottery Barn,
when I can just drop by the liquor store?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

craving chocolate?

bet you aren't anymore.
your skinny jeans are now attainable.
just think of these words:
"solid chocolate...
in the shape of a human sized poop."
craving cured.
throwing up in mouth- optional.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I'd hate for them to be cold.

So good thing I have these cozies.
Yes, tampon cozies.
Yes, one is shaped like a uterus complete
with fallopian tubes and ovaries.
Because what tampon cozy isn't?

Sunday, August 2, 2009

This only could be more romantic

If it was one dozen flowers,
made from Budweiser cans,
with Kid Rock blasting through
the speaker system.

Someone tell my husband.
Quick.
Our anniversary is coming up.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

pork pin

Might as well make it a bacon burger
with this sizzling hot brooch.

{photo submitted by Deanna}